What do you want to be?

[An important question]: How would you let you be somebody among anybody?

:) ok......not to scare you.....this post isn't a primer on "naukri paane ke 101 tareeke"....neither it's a self-help type text....overbearing tiresome philosophy and gyan on employment.....that question was a quotation I saw on the stepney (back) of a scooter one day....and I really don't know what it means......:)

So....this matter had been itching me since long....and I had been yearning to assemble my thoughts together to form a post someday....finally, I thought...It is either today...or never.....

A most common question.....which people ask each other...when they don't have anything else to discuss is...."what do you want to do in life?"....."what is your ambition?"....."where do you see yourself after 10 years?"....and they say these questions reveal about how big you dream, how big is your ambition or how high you think of yourself....and that, it is very important that you have answers to these questions.....but, when people ask me these questions.....The only answer I have is...."I don't know"....because?..... I really don't know.....at first.....they think....I am merely joking....or trying to conceal my plans...where as all I try to do is to be myself and answer the question honestly.....there is no logic and planning behind this answer.....neither does it mean that I don't want to be "somebody" in life.....lately after some compelling attempts from a new set of quizzers (who blamed..."come on man...you don't have ambition?...you don't want to be anybody?")....I gave it a thought as to why I really don't have any answer to these questions....and as far as I understood....to me....it is not much of concern as to what I will be down the road....or what I want to be like......neither I am concerned that I will be running heedlessly in multiple directions unless I set a goal.....the reason behind this uncertainty can have two folds (trust me, I am not sure which one of the two is correct one).....

Either

1. I want to do something very very big....of which I am not sure, at the moment, as to whether I will be really able to do.....and hence I answer "I don't know".
or

2. I don't think about future....and just want to focus on the excellency of what I currently do....assuming my present excellence will automatically pave path for future excellence....and thus ...I answer "I don't know".....

I don't want myself to set an impracticably high ambition....like becoming CEO/CTO of a global multinational or a world known business tycoon...as to me they seem more like dream.....ambition should be something that you should be able to realize within your capacity and your abilities....the very crucial thing that you should bear in mind is "what is your capacity", "what are your abilities?" and "when you think you will spill beyond your limits (break point) and give up?".....self realization....people call it.....and self realization doesn't happen over night......it takes years of experience to determine what you are really good at......it is true that anyone will definitely want to do something big in what they are good at.....If I am good at selling soaps.....I would be better off being a local soap dealer rather than trying to be a computer programmer for mere sake of the dream of being a programmer.....in which case....I will not be doing justice to my abilities......when you realize what you are really good at ......that's when you set an ambition.....and work for it.......So, at this juncture....the only ambition I have is to excel and succeed in whatever I do....I try for excellence, quality and responsiveness in my work.......I try to groom these qualities so that they become a second nature.....I haven't really understood yet what I am really good at.....and thus I don't see it justified saying something garbage for e.g. I want to be CEO, Entrepreneur, PM, CM, or whatever heck.....just to answer these big questions.....unless I get a genuine, practical answer from myself......I would keep saying...."I don't know".....because....I don't know!!!

Hope that answers....

More soon...

life updates

My recent mystic exile from the blogging world was quite on purpose....I didn't go to South Africa to cheer for a particular DLF IPL team (I am not a good sports material anyway)...neither did I venture into the campaigning of country's massive general elections ( I wish I could understand politics).....for last 5-6 months....I spent most of the time in office (and in all honesty.....didn't make much headway there either :-).....when you don't do things as you had planned....nonsensical reasons become handy.......I don't want to state reasons such as "lack of time", "extremely busy" which would boast my state of absolute immersion in the routine work..(as if, It's only me in this world...who works in office)....but the long isolation from my much loved pastime (authorship) in these 6-7 months, has left my mind nothing less than a junkyard....housing innumerous thoughts waiting to be dumped somewhere.....even then I don't understand why....for the first time I did not feel the need of a paper to play the role of a regular dumb listener of my chatter.....(reminds me of Mr. Wilson from Cast Away...)......In this half year.....life underwent various controlled and uncontrolled shifts....ranging from things as trivial as cleaning my undergarments/socks on regular basis to as important as reading Ram-Charit-Manas daily....(oh by the way...I am on page 376 now....my largest stride in book reading.......well, that's not just a book and I don't want to get started on it...otherwise I would end up writing bulks...)......

Things are fine in life....I start from home in the morning...I fight traffic.....I reach office.....I try to work.....I try to be productive..... end of the day, when I fail to get anything working....I abuse my work, my day......then I fight the traffic again and come back to home.....end of the month...I thank my employer and draw my salary....and end of the year...I abuse govt and pay my taxes....the only interesting part in these sequence of events is that...I have gotten a chance to work with some talented people after a long time.......I have realized that I am not really a technical guru (may be not I, but other people had that opinion about me)......after seeing a bunch of other talents around me.....I realized that before proclaiming your self a behemoth, you first need to look around and see the class of people you are competing with....the complexity of work you have.....and in what magnitude you have put efforts........as my colleague Shantanu says....almost everything is relative.....and so is success....when you compete with weaker sections......chances are you may effortlessly win....but what are the odds of victory when everyone else around is as talented as you (or may be even more...)?....I don't mind downplaying myself openly....I won't lie to my blog (unless there is a humor involved) and would say upfront what I am not good at.....face it......facts remain facts.....and they stand.....no matter you admit them or not....

There was a time in my career when I wanted to do great things.....things which are great in ideas.....things great in capacity........things great in dimension, comprehension, attention, attraction...things great in all possible facets......and now I sit at the corner of my cube and compile softwares, realizing that may be I belonged to the that section of the people who strongly need advice and counseling to help them understand the reality........not that I don't enjoy what I am doing currently.......but, to say, technology is boundless....you may never know when you start from one extreme and traverse through the chained link of components and emerge out to the other extreme....and thus may come across serendipity :)

On other note..... have been quite insulated from most of my friends/acquaintances/relatives.....I hardly get a chance to talk to them (thanks to the office work that comes up on Saturdays and Sundays)......you won't believe....I am spend nothing more than 500Rs every month on my postpaid connection (out of which 250 is mandatory rental).....and no...I don't use my landline at all.....I understand that, for a sleek, trendy, 2nd generation, Silver colored, Apple Iphone handset......this sounds like a sheer disgrace....but then, I am glad that I am atlest saving money somewhere ( there was a time when I used to pay 1500 per month)........and I hate to admit that I have become so unsocial....but again....face it.....facts remain facts.....

Left Brain vs Right Brain

This is interesting....I saw it clockwise all the time.....suddenly a Gtalk chat window popped up....and after a short chat session...when I saw it back....it was counter-clockwise!!!....I tried focusing to and away from image multiple times....and concluded...when I take my focus away from the image and see it back.....I could see counter-clockwise....but not otherwise!!!!

It is, however, difficult to vouch the veracity of the analysis stated below but yes, different people perceive this image differently. Just by little exercise, I could see her moving in either direction....

what part of brain you use more?.....If clockwise than you use right brain more….

vice-versa otherwise……..

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses logic
detail oriented
facts rule
words and language
present and past
math and science
can comprehend
knowing
acknowledges
order/pattern perception
knows object name
reality based
forms strategies
practical
safe

RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
uses feeling
"big picture" oriented
imagination rules
symbols and images
present and future
philosophy & religion
can "get it" (i.e. meaning)
believes
appreciates
spatial perception
knows object function
fantasy based
presents possibilities
impetuous
risk taking!

Source: Sameer's Blog.

Main article: here

No end in sight...

Not to beat the dead horse on the already overblown aftermath of 26/11 attacks....this text is to merely reiterate what I had always said in my previous posts.......what we need to understand is whether our religion(s) is really doing justice to us......think for a while.....if none of the religion teaches killing of innocents and we all believe in God and peace......then why doesn't God show up to save innocents?........I wonder what good is my religion if I can't leave in peace.....well to me....all of the religion seem senseless......since neither of the allah, jesus or ram has done anything to save innocents.....Trust me....everything will fix itself if we take the religion out of the country.......may be we don't need it.....all we need is peace....all we need is to let not hatred pervade within us.....not "religion"....

I read this nice quotation somewhere:

"When the power of love will overcome the love of power.....This world will know peace....."

Let us not over-react and blame any religion....Let the love prevail above everything.....

Music is enough for lifetime....

.........but lifetime is not enough for music.......

I love music just as much as any average ordinary human being loves it......needless to say, just as others, I am too confined to a genre/class/section that defines my taste.......for me, music mostly means melody......a definition from wikipedia.....(pay attention to the bold marks):

"Melodic music is a term that covers various genres of non-classical music which are primarily characterised by the dominance of a single strong melody line. Rhythm, tempo and beat are subordinate to the melody line or tune, which is generally easily memorable, and followed without great difficulty."

I have known people who have varying taste in music......and they often switch the genre according to what suits more to their mood.......I don't really have contrasting taste for different occasions.......for me, good music is an amalgamation of sweet tunes, noiseless beats and understandable lyrics.....for the very reason of subtle lyrics, I am not a big fan of Ghazals......with all due respect and with no offense meant, I really don't have patience to wait for Jagjit to finish singing his lines and then join those lines together (provided, I remember from where he started....) to interpret and understand what he had sung and then ultimately relish the deeeeeeep seated idea of the composition......nah!...not my cup of tea........I am ok with western music too, but only as long as their lyrics make sense, they have mild harmonious tempo, they are not squeaky.....and have an acceptable degree of "groaning and moaning"....rest is all noise....I must say....

It is really difficult to list my fav bollywood singers because I like all of them except Adnan Sami and Anu Malik.....(well, not really a singer)....in contemporaries....I like Shan, Lucky Ali, Abhijeet.....In legends....it is undisputed Rafi (and sometimes Shailendra).....there are some other talents sprouting in bollywood (KK, Kunal, Kailash kher etc) who have sung good songs.....but have long way to make a never lasting impact....

To be honest....I am not at all music aware....neither have notions of being one....except names of a few musical instruments....I don't know anything beyond in the music.....in musicians' parlance, I am but a "kala kauaan" who doesn't really know what music is....my mother always wanted her children to be nice in singing and dancing....she wanted us to join music classes.....now when I listen comments from my friends on my singing....I realize that would have been a sheer wastage of money.....people who have the talent of music and singing impress me a lot....and I believe it's a noble innate quality which not everyone is blessed with.....

My experiments with Interviews - part 2

"..Aah....yes...why not?..."...we all said in agreement......and then he gave a brief rundown of job description and there was a guy who pitched in a few typical questions apparently vomiting out everything he knew on the subject.....may be he thought he would just try to outrun others.....and to tell you......it was uncalled-for........I don't usually ask questions unless I really have one.....I have always observed that in such situations people tend to fabricate strange and wired doubts in their mind just to speak out something, so that they won't be regarded as dumb....and in that pursuit they dismiss all doubts that they really are one.....so coming back to the subject......finally, the big guy said that we are going to be having few rounds of personal interviews......by the time he was done speaking, 3-4 staff people showed up in the same room.....and one after other we were taken to separate rooms for interviews.......I somehow got fixed up with a lady who seemed to be unversed (may be their way to screen candidate through the least experienced, to ensure standards are met to the bare minimum, atleast).......through the aisle of cubes, she walked me to a interview room which was almost like at the other end of the office.....Since she was lady (ladies....excuse me)....chances were remote that something substantial could have come out of that discussion......and as I had expected she started with some vague questions which at first were ok.....as time passed, she kept me asking more strange, obscure and incomprehensibly open ended questions like:

(RIM - Response In Mind)

Q. What would you do if a machine is down?
RIM: [Hhhmm......how about influencing the machine with a large hammer??.....]

Q.How much time you will take to fill a floppy disk?
RIM: [.....wait a darn minute here!!!......fill with what? data? virus?....@#$!^%@*&%.... ]

Q. What would you do if your page doesn't load in browser?
RIM: [...I'll rip the page and throw in the garbage.....that would help?....]

etcetra......


etcetra.....

For most of the times, I kept on asking my questions after her questions, just to make the sense out of her questions....and sometimes I just assumed what could she possibly be asking......not that I tried to ridicule her while answering, neither did I try to imply that her questions were senseless but surely her questions were worth a sarcasm while (I did not let my sarcasm vent out....though....)........having done and satiated.......she left the room, asking me to wait.....I doubted if she was really convinced......but actually it didn't matter to me much, because I now had time to catch my breathe after she extorted absolutely irrelevant explanations out of me for nearly 40 minutes, which I must say were my worst 40 minutes of time that I had ever spent in interviews........all I wanted was to exit the area as early as possible......

As I sat fixated to my chair in that room waiting for someone to enter and announce my dismissal so that I could get rid of more such stupid questions.......I observed people working outside in cubicals......one of them seemed downright indifferent to his work as he looked to the computer screen with dreary face.....in all boredom, that uninterested fella had his jaw rested on his palm so badly that I bet his elbow could nearly have made an excavation on the desk, had he continued to sit in that posture for another hour....."weekend work.......I can understand"......I spoke to myself and turned my eyes the other side where I saw a few cool dudes with strange hairstyles and unshaved?/halfshaved?/french-style? (take your pic.....) beards wearing T-shirts, 3/4th walked into the other cube and stopped by the desk of a guy who was busy watching some movie on his laptop.....usual regular boyish hoots and laughter broke out as they started bothering the "movie guy" for some reasons.....on the other side there were few ladies clustered around a desk seemed busy discussing their domestic chores, at times they all tried to speak together which made their speech extremely unclear and it seemed they hardly cared if anyone among them was listening.....it was like everyone trying to convince everyone else.....

while I was still surveying the ambience outside the room a sound drew my attention......"knock...knock...".......I was startled as I turned around and found the same big guy (pizza muncher!) standing by the door......he came in and said....."Hi......I am here to take your next round........".........bbuummeerrrr!!!....I was slight skeptical about this......as I did not know whether the last one was pass or fail....and for first time, I yearned for a "fail".....I had had enough and I wanted to leave.......I thought, why did I come to this stupid interview anyway....."ok.....whatever you say...".......I submitted for the next round......while that guy was not at all stupid with his question, I still did not seem to figure out as to what kept my interest away from answering the questions that day......he uprooted my concepts......digged into gory details....drilled down to fundamentals then back upright to implementations....busted my explanations a few times........but still I tried all I could to make difference......some initial dialogue between us happened something like this....

He: What is your daily work?
Me: I automate FTP/SFTP stufff through scripts.

He: Is that all you do?
Me: Yes. There is nothing more to it.

He: So, what's the challenge?
Me: I never said there is a challenge. If there was, I wouldn't be here in the first place.

He: I liked your answer.
Me: Glad, you did.

for every question he asked.....I would start down from basic assuming as if he was a fool....explaining things the best I can........with occasionally spewing technical jargons and verbal ornamentation to an acceptable degree of composition.....

For the rest of the day........I sat there.....facing rounds after rounds.....letting people tear and shred my concepts.....so happened with my brain too........by evening I was insensate, numb and nearly paralyzed to comprehend things......I believe if anyone would have asked me any further questions......they would be nearly talking to a corpse......when I was told that I was done for the day......I did even have advertency to feel good.......and so I gathered my conscience and found the way out.......somehow I drove back to home and leapt outright to the bed......but one thing that I really appreciate about interviews is that I have always had very positive and radical transformations to my concepts, ideas and way I interact in discussions......and this one had really helped me testify my energy level.....God or Bad........end of the day......everything turns into experience and what matters is......how well you can sustain a situation akin to that in future.......

Until next time.......

My experiments with Interviews - part 1

On a neat fine day.....while I was attending my daily work with my head completely inclosed in the computer screen at the office.....I got a phone call from my brother.....

me: "hello..."
Brother: "can you forward me your resume, apparently there is something I have that might interest you....."
Me: "Ok....it will be on your way in a moment"
Brother: "Ok...see you at home..."

cut!

It was understood to me that one of my brother's friend had been asking him to refer him someone who has understanding of UNIX and other support related technologies.....while I wasn't quite excited about the change, I decided to give it a try.....

few days later I was called by the company for the interview......now Interviews are something that, I believe, I have been doing since a very long time.....of which most have been offhanded and extemporary endeavor with majorly positive results......but this time I wanted to be a little off the hook....so I overturned a few pages from the books just to revive my understandings of things I thought I knew well.......

On the interview day, when I finally reached the front office, the recruiter escorted me to a room which already had nearly 15-20 people......"please wait here, you will have a written test....".....she said with a mild smile....."that's fine"...I replied.....but deep within my gut screamed......."Arrrggghhhh......written test?????........what the heck!!!!".........huh.......I knew those written tests are a mixed bag of questions related to technology, aptitude, psychometric and so on.......I was definitely not ready to subject myself under the condition where I will need to exercise my brain mercilessly to solve some extremely intricate aptitudinal tricks.....whether it is to simplify a brother-sister-uncle-aunt relationship......or to figure out the next one in a series of awkward looking, seemingly unrelated (but mathematically related) numbers....or whether it is something to do with an extremely obscure and rhetoric reasoning puzzles which boggles you head off first and then turns your brain insentient.......or something needing you to understand and amend a convoluted programming code which has askew and interwoven pointer references where first one leads to the second and the second leads to the third and by the time you make out the third leads you where, you would already forget where the first one had lead you.......

Nevertheless.....to make my early rise up and fuel expenses worth for that day......I decided to submit to the test......others present in the room looked more intellect and talented.....I knew I stood no where in the competition......sitting on the chair I took my cellphone out of my pocket and started playing with the keypad........few moments later.....the recruiter came back with test papers.......I did not even have pen to mark answers in the sheet......and hence I asked recruiter to get one for me......although I knew I wouldn't be using even a pinch of the ink in it.....

Quite as expected, as soon as I saw the first question, the first thing I uttered "dang!!!"......I did not understand it......so I moved to the next question.....and there it was.....another "dang!!!!"........I skipped to the third one "dang!!!!"..........then fourth......."dang!!!"....then...."dang!!!"........"dang!!!"........"dang!!!"........."dang!!!"...........I kept turning pages until I reached the last blank page a.k.a. rough work.......only to find out that out of 30 questions, I knew answer of just 2......I started outright with the ones I knew I would be able to do....in the interim I also occasionally turned my neck around to sneak what reaction others had had on their face......basically I wanted to understand how intellect the people were and how far this test was going to damage my image when I will be declared disqualified in front of every one (yes, I knew firsthand that that was going to happen)......well, to me, they all seemed busy solving their papers and I was the only odd man out......by the end of the test, I could answer as many as 7 questions.....not sure if they were correct but they were to the best of my knowledge........for objective questions, I had also mentioned my rationale behind the option I had marked correct.....I attempted the last programming question....and left it half done.......

Answer sheets were collected and we were asked to wait for an hour or so for the results.......heck! what result.....I knew my result beforehand......even before I was handed the question paper......I wanted to prowl out of the hall and escape from the announcement of my disgraceful defeat in front of everyone.....but then, I am very bad at acting......I had to show everyone that I was going out casually.....a few times I tried too......by keeping my cellphone on the ear projecting that I am on phone and going out for better coverage.......but......ugh!!!....... the whole entire recruitment staff was present outside the hall.....they would not let me go out until results were out, whatsoever.....

I spent rest of the time convincing myself that this is going to be ok......nobody knows you.....and nobody among here is going to find you out on the streets or cinema or shopping malls and scream......."hey....that guy....he couldn't pass the simple written test....".....no one would even remember your face........keep cool and stand by......

After about an hour passed.......the staff came in with results.........."it's time.....".......I said to my self.......one of the lady in the staff said......" I will call out few names.......those people please follow me........".......just after three names.........she said....."and.......".............I wondered.......how could "and" come so soon.......that means only 4 guys could make it??......wwooohhhooo!!!!.......I wasn't alone disqualified........she called out the last name..........."and......Opesh Alkara.......four of you please follow me......"


Dumbfounded I, stood up and looked around to the faces of everyone, they all were looking at me......even I too did not understand what was going on.......because I did not expect my name to be there on the list......then I thought.....possibly only 4 of us failed to qualify (3 of the others too looked like fools).....and since that was a reputed company with profound HR policies.....they might not be announcing that in front of everyone.....may be...they were going to take us to an isolated room where we would be asked to leave silently so that our unwanted humiliation could be avoided......the four of us followed the lady........through the mazes of cubicles.....we were taken to a training room.......where a man with tall and hefty build was waiting for us......the table had boxes of pizzas, burgers, fountain coke, bread sticks etc.....the man said....."Hope you might be a little hungry.......why don't we have lunch and talk.........".....I couldn't understand the math behind all that........why the losers were offered lunch.....that too with an attendant to talk about things.........I thought...might be this is a big company.....might be its their HR policy to let every candidate have lunch and go.......might be......

I restrained from taking pizzas as I don't like it......I don't take colas either.......so I just had 1-2 bread sticks......I was waiting for the man to signal us to leave as soon as his lunch was done......but that man seemed to be in no hurry.....he had been munching pizza slices one after other like a starving gorilla masticating bamboo shoots.....he then took leap on a burger and finished it within no time as I sat there eyeballing him devouring every item available in packets......plus I noticed, the other 3 candidates were busy in their eating business too.......and when our eyes met........we exchanged a funny grin which had concealed message......"though what we have lost......we have got atleast something to eat......"....after the tall man was done with his lunch.......he spoke....."So how was the test???"......"yeah....good....good....".....everyone cooed......

"Congrats.......you guys have made it through written test!!!"

A shock of 220 volts ran past my body organs.......how could it be?? I did not even answer 10 questions correctly.......I wasn't yet out of that instantaneous stroke.....while he spoke further......"I hope you know what the job description is like??......should I explain??"

continued in part 2...........

Noida trip - part 2

Driving heedlessly, we almost traversed back to delhi and reached in the locality where our friends stay.....I asked Namit to stop right to the shop where I had purchased toothpaste....because that was the latest I remembered I had been carrying a bag......but then since it had rained......we saw nothing but water logged lanes, mud and grease everywhere.....since it was 10 short of 11 PM the shop was still open and I went to shopowner to enquire if he had, by chance, witnessed me dropping or leaving a bag in shop or nearby area......the answer was, as you guessed, "NO".....Namit's concrete hopes were challenged by the unfortunate truth that we had lost the bag......and that there was no way we were going to find it on the way back to noida too.....but then while I was looking out for bag near the shop, Namit on the other side of the road screamed....."mil gayaaaa......."......he picked up a mud drenched bag from under the silencer of a parked Maruti Omni.....yes, it did look like the bag I was carrying except that it was, dirty, filthy and all soaked in mud.....I said...."abe....tere papers?...kya hua hoga unka....?".........namit smirked......and said..."papers, water proof envelope me hain....".....yeah!!!......there we go.....we got what we wanted and all at the penalty of just 40 Kms drive.....Namit's forehead's wrinkles and face expressions, which had gone distorted, out of disgust, in the coarse of time, regained the normal posture as soon as he made sure that papers indeed weren't crumbled in mud water........now after we found the bag, the first thing that popped to our senses was "dinner"..............we drove back to noida and this time double excited......that was another good and justified reason to enjoy my 2nd round on expressway......that too amidst, thunder, storm and rain.......Namit was relieved and looked downright upbeat albeit a drive of almost 60 kms.......

not that we opened a bottle of champagne or something to celebrate.....but don't deny that, the occassion surely called for it.....Good lesson learnt.....never-ever carry any documents in original with you.....and if you do.....make sure they are babied and are in right hands........

so....I got little late for next day training class and all I wanted was a good sleep.......we drove to the guest house where Namit dropped me and went back to his flat.......

the next morning......I was scheduled to report to training at around 10 AM.....and I reached there by 10:15 only to find out that most of the things needed for training were missing from the hall......in all fury I called HR who was supposedly responsible for making due arragements......and said her that that wasn't I expected........later on she herself walked to the training hall while I was busy minding the training machines......when she reached at the room, the class called to my attention that she was there......no sooner I turned around, our eyes met......we had talked over phone but hadn't seen each other (basically....you don't wish to....unless person on other side has really exceptional voice...)....she really had beautiful, piercing, twinkling pair of eyes....her appearance, simple yet sublime, was worth my attention while.....I could hear the music of violin buzzing around in the air....all my rage vaporized instantly......the mystique glint in her eyes, as if struck some kind of magic spell on me, which then, bursted out communication between my brain and other organs making me particularly numb for a fraction of second....but then I gathered my senses and instantly flickered my eyes to quickly rebound from that infinitesimal stupefaction.....I definitely had to do it to avoid an awkward incident...I told her about the situation at training room, which she said she will address and shortly was on her way back....while on conversation I did not look in her eyes directly for more than a sec....

aahemmm!!.....never mind.....so we were talking about training......and as you know I have now turned pretty much perfect into it........I pitched in my regular standard stuff, cooed my introduction and teaching patterns etc....

the training lasted for a week.....and I was hopefully able to meet the audience's objective....I returned back to hyderabad that weekend.....but the sad thing was......I did not get see the HR again after that day.........

may be, yes......may be because, people say "sweet things come in small packages......like candies"

:)

until next time........

Noida trip - part 1

My recent business trip to Noida was more sort of eye-opener rather than just a travel.....I got to figure out that there is altogether a different world out there in India which is neat and organized, where people don't have to pass their vehicles amidst abrupt and arbitrary construction sites, where the public places aren't suffocatingly congested, where we have roads that span for miles untwisted and the intercepts are accurately orthogonal.......where everything is sparse and have enough flare of its own to accommodate things.....where not every lane smells like a public toilet forcing people to hold their breathe or die inhaling the toxins....all in all.....Noida was utterly a different sort of city I had come across in India.....and trust me it was enthralling being a part of it for a week.....

The trip was a part of technical training that I was supposed to deliver......no sooner I landed the Delhi airport....bunch of taxi walas circumvented me in an attempt to offer their transport service....I was almost pushed to a corner by their overwhelming willingness to offer business....some of them nearly snatched my luggage as if they were my relatives or something who had come to receive me....no sooner I told them that I have already got a cab booked from office and it would be just a matter of a short call before it comes and escorts me to my destination, they all instantly turned around showing downright indifference and got dispersed in crowed......after going through all the sign boards held by cab drivers at the arrival section.....I couldn't find my name.....now I knew I had to make a deal with one of those cab drivers......I approached to one......he offered: "bhaiyya....Noida sec 34 ka keval 1300 Rs".......

"hahahaha...."..I thought...."kevel and 1300Rs in the same breath.......???"....after enough discussion and argument...... I later fixed a cab for Rs 1200....which i know is sufficiently more than the reasonable fare.....(I don't know why I am so disinclined at bargaining things).....nonetheless...that was an official trip...and I knew I would get reimbursements......

after reaching guest house....I called Namit who happens to be one of my closest college friends......we drove around city roads.....visited a few places.....watched girls eyefull...... and then decided to drive to dehli to meet few more friends....Namit handed me a bag which contained his vehicle's papers....may be I was thinking something else and did not hear him saying that it contained bike's registration papers.......most of the time while holding the bag I assumed that it had nothing except an envelope.....while returning back from friend's flat in delhi......I stopped to purchase tooth paste and other items at a small shop.....I shoved the items in my pockets and then we drove straight to the famous atta market for dinner.....weather had been little cloudy.....thunders and bolts threatened of rain......the drive on the expressway that joins delhi and noida was smashing....exept that you pay toll to use it...huh!.....it had started raining and time was almost 10 PM while we stopped at atta for dinner.....I noticed that the bag was not with me...hesitant, I asked Namit......

Opesh: Abe.....tera bag.....usme kya-kya tha??
Namit: (unbeknownst of bag loss, while parking bike....) bataya naa....gadi ke papers the.....
Opesh: (faints...and stammers).....abe.....wo....mm....mujhe lagta hai.....wo...kahin gir gaya....
Namit: (eyeballs out....jaw dropped...) bhai...bol de mazak kar raha hai??
Opesh: (stammers further...) abe....mm.....mazak nahi.....sach mein......kahin kho gaya.......
Namit: (puts his both hands over his forehead, in disgust...) batti lag gayi........

what could be worse than this....namit was dumbstruck.....I knew dinner was a forgotten concept now.....the "bag" became everything for Namit for that while......we moved outright back to delhi.......traversing the same path that lead us to noida......in slightest hope that we could find his bag and papers somewhere on the way......but to me, glimmer of hope wasn't even remotely evident.....somehow Namit had hope that we would be able to find it.....never saw him that serious......we covered 20 more kms and this time in utter slience.....neither of us did not speak a word.....nature turned cruel......thunders....bolts....storming winds......heavy torrents of rain drops that hit against us as we crusaded back.....I constantly tried to recall where I could have dropped the bag......but then...again it seemed to be weak and fruitless attempt......

continued in part 2..........

Sunday Buffet......

During my graduation days, the most predominant trouble we had had was with meals on Sundays......our "kaam wali" was a little classy and posh....so she had refused to cook on Sundays. Eventually we strayed on city roads seeking for cheap, hygienic food stations......there wasn't any alternative to get around this frustrating compulsion until just after a little brain storming we devised an indecent but quite elegant way to remediate the looming trouble.....we decided to find and attack the best buffet party going on in nearby locality......usually the ones with more crowd and less security.....you might think, it was not a good idea and I too have guilt-conscious revealing this to you.....but, trust me....we did it in sheer obligation......and I believe, nothing accounts for a bad trait in student life, you have rights to claim student excuse everywhere



An interesting incident related to our "free buffet" happened once in a party at the nearby ground...the glimmering entrance of party-area was accompanied by some hosts who welcomed every guest walking in ...we strutted in wearing a plastic smile to gently acknowledge the hosts......no sooner we were in, at least 15-20 flavors of different dishes competing for air space smacked on our face..sweet, sour, tangy, chilli, pungent, masala and more descriptive adjectives than I care to list...the aromas invaded all our capillaries from head to feet which added to appetence....you know what? when you see nearly 40-50 saucers of delicious food in front of you......and given that you are starving daylong and that food is of free of cost......your get utmost sense of delight and gratification and you hardly care to notice anything going around.....above all.....our gang was nothing but a bunch of bankrupt, poverty-stricken, losers who looked at the party food just as the craving wild wolves look at the fresh chopped meat......someone looking at us would have easily made out that we had been deprived of food for long.....within no time we were on our business.....you could perceptibly notice the intimate pleasure we had had while gulping every morsel of the meal....we ingested nearly everything that obstructed the sight and didn't even burp after consuming items from every single saucer.....



Our gala feast wasn't yet over as we turned to desserts and fruit nectars..still unbeknownst to the material world, guys extracted scoops of ice-cream with trembling hands when a rather known face drew everyone's attention..suddenly a discomposure struck to everyone.....we noticed some of our college girls standing at the corner of shamiyana, observing our activities, speaking among themselves and laughing at us......movements froze, jaws dropped, eyes wide opened, I nearly coughed out the rasgullla I had gulped.......we were stunned when we found that it was party of one of our classmate girl.....and that at least 15-20 girls of our college were present around in that party....to make things worse.....all of those 20 girls in attendance had distinctly noticed how vigorously we had been devouring meals....I was dumbfounded and did not know how to react back to their expressions.



We finished meals and immediately exited the area.....for next 20-30 days we either disappeared from college or looked at our toes while walking in college.....in next coming days we did not even dare to look at any party side areas or decorations.....

I am not dead.....

I am alive and doing wonderful........I wish I could give a logical explanation of why I didn't write since last month......but none exists.......neither I was too busy with work.....not was I struggling to spare time from my not-very-busy schedule......it is simple....I don't prefer to compel my instincts to do something unless it comes from the gut.......writing comes natural to me.......if I don't feel like writing, most probably, I won't......if any of you out there visited my page for new posts....the let me apologize for it.....

So things have pretty much changed in life......recent separation from my closest friends has added to the somberness......yes, I stay with my brother now......it is difficult to convince yourself and get adjusted to such new phase......at least not easy for someone who had been staying with friends since last 8 years.....no more freaking out on streets.....no more pillow fights.....no more pranks and verbal instigation.....no more dirt, filth and uncleanliness in the room (and on bed, of course)......and above all....a tragic surrender of all slang, abuses and profanity which added spice to our discussions.....

For some initial days.......the cleaned ambiance didn't suit me.....quite unusual for someone who has continuously subjected himself to dust and kachra.....the deprivation from my regular dust born mattress affected my sleep......sanitized bathroom, clean kitchen, well arranged items in wardrobes added to allergic sensitization.....I took time to get habituated to this major shift in my lifestyle.....but then, this was one of just another awkward things I face in day today life......I was soon over it.....

Laziness continue to be a companion still.....may be, because I and my brother both are lazy.....perhaps he is quite more in magnitude than I.....during weekends we wake up at afternoon 1 PM or later.....then brush our teeth and then take 30-45 Mins to decide whether we want to cook the lunch or have it outside......most of you would think that cooking at home is good option, which then, in our case is a laborious operation.....so we walk out to some near by restaurant.....while we go out of apartments everytime I find a lot of kids playing at the parking area.....I frown on few of them occassionally for no particular reason just so that they keep away from my bike and don't tamper its accessories....my brother had his helmet lock broken by some kids while we used to stay at paradise....then here someone stripped off his gatepass sticker......usually these menacing creatures also leave my bike on choke and I don't figure it out until I notice in the feul indicator that the fuel is drying rapidly....

Things still seem to be going fine.....I don't notice any dramatic changes in me except keeping my bedsheet little cleaner than earlier.....and yes, washing undergarments is now a routine thing : D

will post more updates soon.....thanks.....

The real us.....

A very primal question that people ask me often is what kind of books I read.....in reply to this, I just smile and conjure them to go sequentially by asking the question that should ideally precede this one......"do I like reading or not?".....and to ans this honestly.....not really......yes, I don't read many things apart from my technical documents, as, those help me to stay abreast to the kind of job I do....and normally after the daylong stressful work I don't have enough time (and nerve) left which could help me dare pick up even a slim size magazine.....but it doesn't mean that I don't read at all....I read less often but when I read, I read with a purpose.......to heed the implied message in the writeup....I try to keep away from novels.....as I find fiction too unrealistic.....not criticizing, just stating my stand point......most of such fiction books are novels.....now the notable thing with novel readers is that, that they form community wherever they are.....and interestingly, most of them throw unanimous views on any book.....if one praises the novel....others too start praising......(first guy...)..."ooh, that novel.....awesome man!!"....(next guy...)..."awesome man!!"......(then chorus)...."yes..yes...that was really awesome!!! man".... (but I wonder...Did anyone really read it?).......there are some classifications of novel readers....

1. Read-Count readers - Well.....these readers.....I don't disagree that they don't enjoy the context and subject of the book.....but they can go to any heights to increase their read counts so they can boast in front of community that they have "this many" novels under their belts.....the hastiness to finish novel drives them so bad that they tend to skip pages......"oohh yaar....this page is too boring.....I should drop it and consider reading next page.....ohh next page is same too.....this writer throws too many things far away from real mystery........"...ok on your behest I shall ask author to reveal the mystery in the whatever page you desire....

2. Fast-Finish readers - These readers are more concerned about their reading speed and often take it as matter of dignity......these type of novel readers compete for speed......"oohh you heard...she says she finished 1000 pages novel in 2 days....Dang!.....sheer bluff!!!".......some would moan over their speed..."yaar....main 1 hafte se 3rd chapter pe hi atkaa hun....".....some, in an intent to prove their genius...."well, she read this novel in 2 days......I will show that I can finish this in just 1 day..".......and the entire day ends up in a closet without food (and sanitation??....might be)....putting all her might to finish the novel within 24 hrs of duration....hhhmm....quite dramatic

3. Shelf-decor readers - I am not sure if it is right to call this category people as readers.....because their focus is more on their bookshelf rather than reading......may be they purchase novel.....overturn few pages.....and shove it to bookshelf.......then read the condensed version online.......steal some quotes from Internet and paste it in Gtalk custom status message (particularly with "busy" sign)......later when community visits......they point to the novel in Shelf and say......"by God....this novel kept me excited for the entire course of reading"........and then community coos "I too....." and "Me too....."

4. inferiority-complex readers - Quite large part of community consists of this type of readers.......who find it difficult to speak anything in community discussion as they hardly had had a chance to read any novel and usually have less or no idea.....they think they will be looked down upon in community and that if they have to keep their rapport intact....they would have to undertake the business of novel reading.....no matter even unwillingly.......then what?......they borrow novels.....and catch their breathe only after finishing the one or two......this helps them get some space in discussion......

4. simple-sane reader - these are reader who read 90% of matter in the novel (yes....I know....no-one reads every single page)...they try to keep mute when discussion is being done and open their mouth only when required......they have nothing to do with speed, count, show-off or inferiority....because they do have a high score for all of these......they are selective and don't turn to just any novel.....

To say the least......reading is something that comes natural to anyone......reading is a hobby.....you cannot force yourself to accept a hobby that you don't consider hobby.....I have found people that in India have always been blindly running after the lastest bandwagons......people do anything to prove they are mordern and civilized....broken english, fake accents......pizza, burger, fountain coke etc are more of fashion than just taste.......when we would give up these plastic mask that we wear to hide our real "us".....that we are what we are.....

Dog eat Dog

Men is the deadliest predator in the world.....I read this somewhere.....and there are no reasons why I shouldn't be in accord with it....intentions of mankind has always been obsessed by land, women, wealth, religion and strength.....in every era, history has vividly witnessed that the never-ceasing penchant of men conquering these entities has escalated trivial incidents to great atrocities which have failed to demise without bloodshed, sabotage and massacre....men have killed their own kins (brothers, fathers, uncles, cousins) and sometimes almost entire family tree to gratify their inner senses.....the most unfortunate thing to note about these periodic inhuman outrages are that that they have left innocents lives miserably affected and devastated....the worst and best part of human mindset is the human "ego" itself.....on one extreme it lets you generate a unique identity of yourself, your beliefs, rationales and perception....on other extreme it can drive you crazy by transforming your small hoo-haas into deadly conflicts because every conflict converges to a point where individuals' "ego" is questioned.....

It was again that morning I was depressed to see the headline of news paper reporting Jaipur Bomb Blasts......I don't care to know why it happened or who did it......as these questions have now stopped tranquilizing my agitation and are quite uncalled-for....I didn't even read a single word after reading the headline.....had I read any further, do you think that would help anything?.....plus too, I am not sure what reaction I had to show if it were undergone with my people.....I know it's always easier to speak and bullshit with affairs than to actually face it......and that my ideas, comments, words would help nothing to improve situation.....I merely want all these to be over soon ....I am not taking account to just what happens in India but in the entire world....fanatics may stipulate whatever pretext for such incidents, I am sure their literal motivation is to establish a predominance and let their generations enjoy the rule over the planet.....a planet which humankind has already jeopardized to justify its other means....I want to ask: What avail to them will be such kingdom if they cannot survive in it?.....the life-span on earth has already been reduced....yes! I know.....no one cares....no one bothers....daily people eat, burp and fart.....but they don't have time to understand that the coming generation isn't going to lead a normal life..... global and international studies say that life on the earth is going to be a big challenge in the next 40-50 years.....regardless of how wealthy and strong you are, do you think you can counter nature's catastrophes?....don't you think you'll have to undergo the same thing that everyone, wealthy or poor, weak or strong, has to go?......amidst these startling and life-threatening obstructions, which demand time and rigorous execution, in spite of uniting and attending those, I feel disheartened that humans still continue to eat each other for land, wealth and religion so that their own generations can live a better life on a planet which has hardly any future......I know we cannot eradicate evil....for it is required to maintain the balance of goodwill.....but shouldn't we take a break and think about our children?....Evils do have potency to father babies.....aren't they worried? Why men don't giveup these obsessions which kills innocents, spreads hatred and bitterness, instigates communalism?......why do we human beings
forget that inspite of different religions, traditions and beliefs, we all belong to one race that is human race....?

I really don't have words to express my feelings......hence I am adding a beautiful song from movie Border which would convey you the gist of my intentions.....

visitors location

I wonder what brings so many visitors from west to my blog......

One year of blogging - Kudos!!!

It has been over a year that I got into blogging business.....Saurabh Dubey is the person who has always influenced me to undertake new and innovative things in my life.....I am not sure if he himself follows them closely or not but it was him who proposed me to start a blog because he had already started one.....I did not give it much thought and went ahead with blog space creation......I decided to name it Deep Insight because I wanted people around me to know what is my perspective and perception to things around in this world and how do they support or contradict my understanding.......the reception was a little lukewarm at the outset but later I noticed that some people do follow my ........to tell you, Initially when I started this blog....my real intention was to get a personal space to scribble things which I felt would help me record my ideas and beliefs and would help me impersonate my reflection....I did not plan it to be public...and decided it to be rather personal......because I know that my ideology only pleases a special category of people who think or have an intention of thinking my way.....but over time I drifted away from my main motive and started jotting things which I thought would be more amusing to the readers of my blog.....I started focusing more on things which could leave a reader pondering about things we do as human......I started using this blog as a forum to impart an insight on most disregarded things which I considered needed some limelight....at times, I used it to vent out my frustration on things I disliked....sometimes it took the form of a message board through which I attempted dispassionate reforms about the system that we are in......other time it showed a different/awkward/interesting/humorous facet of my experiences in life......I never had intuition in my slightest dream that I would be able to continue this long with blogging and at every step I felt I should discontinue, I sensed your stealth presence, which instigated me to do more ....... Some of key people for this contribution are:

1. Shyam sunder - thanks for regular touch with blog.
2. Pankaj Mishra . thanks, contradictions, welcomed
3. Adil kazmi . thanks for your suggestions on topics.
4. Saurab Dubey
5. Ajay Yaduwanshi
6. Imroj Sheikh
7. Sharada
8. Sameer Panchangam
9. Kamala
10. Himanshu jain
11. Nitesh Jain
12. Sateesh

(if I missed you, please let me know.....it was inadvertent and purely unintentional)


I know there are many more silent readers, who prefer to be anonymous, thanks to them as well......and they can contact me anytime, I'll be more than happy to add their names...and I really don't have words to thank all you readers who take time and really go though my epic-like stories......